Is gossip harmful?

[Sally]

Most of us like to chat to our friends and colleagues - it is lovely to connect with others in this way.  It is validating and bonding when we agree on things and it enhances our development when we learn about new perspectives from others.  It is also natural that the subject of our conversations might be about other people whether they are in the pubic eye or family, friends and acquaintances of ours.  People like to ask "How are you?" "How is your Dad?" etc. and they are interested to hear any news about them.  However one must be mindful of confidential matters when chatting to our connections about other people.  And what can you do if the conversation turns into gossip?  What is the difference between merely exchanging news and information, expressing your own views  and gossiping?

For the past few years I have become increasingly aware of the negativity of gossip in my life.  However I also like to help people to sort through their problems and I am a good listener and love to communicate with others.   But I feel extremely uncomfortable when someone is talking to me about another person in a negative way.  It makes me feel bad inside - sometimes angry and even guilty just for being there listening.  I also wonder if my friend would talk about me the same way behind my back or use my words against me somehow.  I want to help others with their thoughts and emotions but I don't like the words against others - sometimes it even feels like daggers to my heart - I am somewhat sensitive though!  

But how do we define gossip?  What is OK and what is not OK to share?  Chat GPT defines gossip as "the act of sharing information - often personal, sensational or speculative - about someone who is not present, typically without their consent and can have the intention of making casual conversation to malicious rumour-spreading.  I think if we have a strong emotional reaction to what someone is saying like anger for example them that tells us that our boundaries have been crossed.

What can we do to set boundaries politely?  Chat GPT suggests saying things like "I'd rather not talk about her without her here" or "I don't feel comfortable speculating" or "I really don't want to talk about them behind their back".  

We all want to live in a better world.  Most of us want peace in the world at large but how can we expect others to stop fighting if we are having our own little battles every day! 

How can we become better people and be a positive force for the world?

Chat GPT suggests some practical tips to avoid participating in gossip....

1. Pause before speaking - ask yourself "Is it True", "Is it necessary to share", "Would I say this if the person was here?"
2. Change the subject to a more positive topic
3. Don't pass the gossip on to others
4. Set boundaries politely 
5. Lead by example - share uplifting stories or facts, ask thoughtful questions and model respectful communication
6. Focus on empathy - see the person being talked about as a full human - everyone has struggles you might not see.  

I believe if we could all learn to communicate with the best of intentions to enhance personal growth and development of all then the world would become a better place.

What are your thoughts on this topic?  I would be interested to hear about your experiences and any tips or ideas.  If you are a therapist of some kind how do you deal with people speaking negatively about others? I would love to learn more.