Sally

Most of us like to chat to our friends and colleagues - it is lovely to connect with others in this way. It is validating and bonding when we agree on things and it enhances our development when we learn about new perspectives from others. It is also natural that the subject of our conversations might be about other people whether they are in the pubic eye or family, friends and acquaintances of ours. People like to ask "How are you?" "How is your Dad?" etc. and they are interested to hear any news about them. However one must be mindful of confidential matters when chatting to our connections about other people. And what can you do if the conversation turns into gossip? What is the difference between merely exchanging news and information, expressing your own views and gossiping? For the past few years I have become increasingly aware of the negativity of gossip in my life. However I also like to help people to sort through their problems and I am a good listener and love to communicate with others. But I feel extremely uncomfortable when someone is talking to me about another person in a negative way. It makes me feel bad inside - sometimes angry and even guilty just for being there listening. I also wonder if my friend would talk about me the same way behind my back or use my words against me somehow. I want to help others with their thoughts and emotions but I don't like the words against others - sometimes it even feels like daggers to my heart - I am somewhat sensitive though! But how do we define gossip? What is OK and what is not OK to share? Chat GPT defines gossip as "the act of sharing information - often personal, sensational or speculative - about someone who is not present, typically without their consent and can have the intention of making casual conversation to malicious rumour-spreading. I think if we have a strong emotional reaction to what someone is saying like anger for example them that tells us that our boundaries have been crossed. What can we do to set boundaries politely? Chat GPT suggests saying things like "I'd rather not talk about her without her here" or "I don't feel comfortable speculating" or "I really don't want to talk about them behind their back". We all want to live in a better world. Most of us want peace in the world at large but how can we expect others to stop fighting if we are having our own little battles every day! How can we become better people and be a positive force for the world? Chat GPT suggests some practical tips to avoid participating in gossip.... Pause before speaking - ask yourself "Is it True", "Is it necessary to share", "Would I say this if the person was here?" Change the subject to a more positive topic Don't pass the gossip on to others Set boundaries politely Lead by example - share uplifting stories or facts, ask thoughtful questions and model respectful communication Focus on empathy - see the person being talked about as a full human - everyone has struggles you might not see. I believe if we could all learn to communicate with the best of intentions to enhance personal growth and development of all then the world would become a better place. What are your thoughts on this topic? I would be interested to hear about your experiences and any tips or ideas. If you are a therapist of some kind how do you deal with people speaking negatively about others? I would love to learn more.

Something happened a couple of days ago which on reflection feels like it might have been a test from the universe. I went for a walk with my neighbour in a relatively quiet place in the grounds of an old manor house. We walked to the end of a long driveway with fields either side and when we got to the end of the main driveway a young girl about 21 years old appeared put of the woods asking for a light. She seemed a bit all over the place and asked where she was and she said she had been running away from a horrible man. This made me feel a bit scared because the girl kept looking behind her and said she was being chased but I was very concerned for the girl as she appeared to be in distress and I felt very strongly that we should help her to safety. I thought maybe she was having a breakdown or something. She was in a vulnerable state. I explained where we were and where we were headed but she said she didn't know where she was. We started walking with her back up the path. She kept saying "thank you, thank you God bless you" She said she had been running more than she had ever run in her life. She said she was under the mental health team for drugs and alcohol. I noticed she was in her pyjamas with a jumper on top. I offered her my drink of water which she took. She said she had just had a seizure from epilepsy. I felt responsible for her safety and felt that we should stick waking with her even though I didn't really know what to do. I was considering calling the police when we got to the entrance to the manor. Then a male friend of hers rang her and the girl handed me her phone and asked me to speak to him which I did. I explained to him where we were located and he said he was about 5 minutes drive away and he agreed to meet us outside the church. The girl wanted me to put his number in my phone as she had no battery. So I did and rang him to tell him to walk down the driveway when he arrived to meet us. Eventually we got to the end of the drive and saw a man walking towards us. Her friend was dressed in work clothes and looked like a painter and decorator. We spoke briefly and I saw that he seemed OK and she seemed Ok with him so we just let them drive off together. They were both grateful for what we had done and were full of thanks. And then it hit me what had just happened. Had we done the right thing? Had I passed the test (if it was a test) - I hope so! My friend and I drove back home and she said I had seemed really stressed during the incident and couldn’t understand why I was so stressed but I felt as responsible for this girl as if it had been my own daughter in distress and I knew I had to help her. It also reminded me of when I was that same young age and was in the middle of a nervous breakdown and was wondering the streets of London at night lost not knowing where I was and a man started talking to me and held my hand and helped me walk to Euston station where I would be safer. I then got the tube close to home and rang my parents asking them to pick me up. I remember feeling like this man that was walking through the streets with me was in fact an angel as he was really kind. Without his help I could easily have gone missing or goodness knows what may have happened. I am very grateful for his assistance and really believed his was an angel sent to help me. I just hope and pray that this girl is OK now and in a safe place. I hope we did the right thing. I just feel like it was a bit of a test for me but I did my best to help her.

There is much talk about mindfulness and wellbeing at the moment and it seems to be a growing industry here in the UK. I feel that the key reasons for this are that a lot of people in the world are suffering either mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually and just want to feel better, happier, and more fulfilled in life as well as more connected with each other. Over the years I have had my fair share of ill health and right now, although I have embarked on a path to wellness a while back, I am currently struggling with chronic fatigue and simply just not feeling well. I have been feeling really quite angry about it lately that my life seems so limited - I can only do so much in a day before having to rest in bed and going out in the evenings is a non starter. I just feel so helpless and like my life shouldn't be like this. I know people years older than me who can walk for miles each day and do so much more with their lives and my fatigue is making me feel like a failure sometimes. So today I am asking myself "what is the purpose of ill health from a deeper perspective - how might my suffering be serving me in some way and actually be a positive phase in my life?" I have been pondering these questions and here are my thoughts thus far.... Maybe my fatigue is a chance for me to SLOW my life down, take some time out to reflect, get out of the rat race and find my own calling in life? It is giving me a chance to really think about what I enjoy in life and who I want to spend time with. I have been spending more time doing energy healing and meditations with others in an effort to feel better and I am enjoying this connection with others and the insights I am gaining. I am feeling energetic shifts in myself and my connection and trust with the universe (God) is improving. As I surrender to my condition I feel the pressure lift from me. Deep down I feel like the universe has a plan for me and the world at large and that there is a very good reason why my life feels limited right now. I probably wouldn't be writing this post right now if I were feeling 100% fit and well! Also it has just occurred to me that at least I am able to sit up in bed and type these words - I am not having to sleep right now so things can't be that bad! I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.... I am actually feeling a lot more clear headed for expressing these thoughts right now and feel more purposeful just for sharing how I have been feeling lately.